....Searching for Hope as I Walk in this Costume of Painted Happiness...

Hello Lovely's

Well I am somewhat confused.. My scale says I am not losing weight but I went to the mall and bought new shorts and a dress and I went down from an 11 to a 9 and a Large to a Medium....

Any thoughts??? 

Today's Food Intake:

Breakfast = X

Lunch = Tuna Fish and Toast

Snack = 1 Liter of Fiji water!      ( best water ever)

Dinner = Hopefully nothing!! 

Think Thin Stay Strong!

xxx

I had done so good yesterday until last night at my grandpa's birthday. I gave in and ate Raviloi with Meat Sauce, Bread, and Chocolate cake. This morning I woke up and I was so bloated I wanted to die. I tried throwing it up but it wouldnt come up. I feel absolutely disgusting right now...

Today I have had a chicken ceasar wrap, baked chips, and a fruit smoothie from  tropical smoothie. why I ate all that shit I do not know.  I guess I just got depressed because when I got on the scale this morning it said I had gained .5 instead of lost .5!!!! I hope it is muscle from working out yesterday and not fat...

I want nothing more than to be thin again. Weighing 168 pounds like I do is miserable. Everyday I look at myself in the mirror and see a huge girl trapped in her own skin wanting so badly to be set free, only to be confided, drowing in her own fat and misery....

I think I am going to go up to the mall and try on clothes tonight so I can see how fat I am. It will motivate me more.
I am sorry if all this is is griping...I'm just really down today...

bye lovely's... 

Recent pic of me... I apoligize if this grosses you out...

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d56/wakeupdreamer/n1026150079_30054018_9812.jpg

I'm huge...

I'm so hungry....but I am so HUGE...


help...

Today I binged hardcore style. I ate a shitload of chinese food. 
I took a laxative and a fat burner so hopefully it will be out of me soon. I am also going to the gym asap! 
Still not in the Pro-Ana Community but I read that there are a lot of apps. 
I will definitly not be eating dinner and only drinking liquids so I can get all this shit out of me. Gah.  
I am going to a show at a local music venue tonight. It should be fun. Lots of skinny little scene girls tho. gah! 
Well me and my boyfriend have been fighting non-stop. funfun, not...

Out for now,
 Love Beautifuls

I am at work watching it rain.. (I am a receptionist at my mom's office as a part time summer job)
and I can not stop thinking about going out to eat tonight. 
I am trying so hard to not eat due to my OBESE self but ah! help!
I need a distraction.. anyone? 
plz..

The Important Stuff Survey
Age: 18
Weight:  168 I am disgusting.... 
Heighest Weight:  172
Lowest Weight:  125
Current Weight:  168....ABSOLUTELY NASTY.....
Goal Weight :  120
Fave food :  Lean Pepperoni Hot Pockets
Fave Drink :  Mt. Dew, Propel, Coffee 
Fave Exercise :  Walking
Thinspo :  Small Stomach
Where do you slip up? Mexican Food & Pizza.
Does Anyone know? Yes. My Bff. 
Do you want help? NO! I am OBESE right now. 
Diet pills? Yes I pop them like crazy! 
fave binge food: Chinese Food
Fave dieting food: Carb Smart Fudge Bars 
How many cals do you consume a day? too many 
What tips do you use to lose weight? Liquids Only 
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Disgusting, Overweight, Imperfection 
Are you in a relationship? Yes
If so, Do they pressure you to be thin? No, but he is thin so I feel HUGE beside him. 
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends? Fat one!
Are you depressed? No, I take antidepressants. Thank God.
Do you self harm? Not anymore. 
Ever tried to commit suicide? Yes
Ever been to a psychologist? Yes
Fave song? "Believer" - Kill Hannah 

I am new at this but I am attempting to meet other Pro-Ana's. I applied for the biggest community with great hopes of getting accepted.

current stats..
height: 5'6"
hw: 172
cw: 168
lw:125
gw:120

I have done good today not eating..... I suppose.. Coffee, a Mt.Dew...

Btw, I got a cute red ana braclet at a store called Earth Bound if anyone is looking for one.

I feel so fat today. Gah...